U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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