I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
