If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
