using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
