Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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