is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
