you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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