I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
