boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
