So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
