Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
