I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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