I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize