how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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