I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize