Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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