What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You work out of a Hotel?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
