Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
