Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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