I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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