I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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