Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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