tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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