how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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