Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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