remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
