Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
These tits shall not be calmed
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