I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
