if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
