Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
