Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
