Just fell off a train. Bad.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
