guys are only as good as the porn they watch
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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