they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Farmville is her only friend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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