I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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