A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
