Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Randomize
