Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
