Already got asked if we're dating
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
