She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
