She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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