I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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