How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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