Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
