I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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