I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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