My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All the doctor said was why
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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