There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
