dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
