Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
