I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
