anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
