peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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