I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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