My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
