I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
