I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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