i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
