I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
