My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can text with my tongue
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
