I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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