My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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