I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
