I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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