I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
