Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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