The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
