Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
