i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You did what with his pubic hair?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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