My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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