I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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